Hi, Courtney – it’s been a while, and at the same time it’s only been a day.
There was so much I forgot to say to you yesterday. There aren’t enough words in the world for this.
You’d laugh at how long I’ve been staring at this blank document. Back in the journalism days, you always just said to start writing and go back and edit later – so here goes.
The little memories keep hitting me: our old high school bucket list that we never quite finished. Dancing at prom after almost missing it, because you were at Cal Day earlier and my flight from the journalism convention to submit the Prowler for awards had been cancelled. Living 4 floors away freshman year and going for waffle fries and chicken tenders late every night. Not having exact change nor Clipper cards the first time we rode a bus in San Francisco and having to ask the bemused riders for help (I wonder if you ever thought about this recently, with your transit evolution). The way I’d always poke you in the ribs when we took photos so you could get that certain smile you wanted immortalized.
And the bigger things: the way you inspired everyone around you to do better and be better. The unfailing way you spoke up for what was right no matter the potential consequence. The way you looked at each and every person, and saw and valued them for who they are. The joy and passion and electricity you brought to so many lives. Undeterred, unabashed, unlimited.
That impact doesn’t end with today. It’s never going to. Every person you impacted will carry your spirit with them.
Yesterday you were peaceful. The weather was as perfect as it gets in San Francisco. We listened as “It’s Quiet Uptown” played for you. The nurses said that the sunlight lit up your room, and as the clouds shadowed the sun you went with the light. A light as bright as you, I believe it.
I signed up to be an organ donor today. I know, I’m not sure why I wasn’t one before.
Courtney, you were, and are, so loved by everyone you met. We all have a piece of you in our hearts.
I’ll write you again soon. I miss you. We miss you.
– Grace O’Toole
